Are You a Perfectionist?
Do you believe that if you fail, it means you’re not good enough?
Do you feel like you have to get everything just right or it doesn’t count?
Do you struggle to start tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them perfectly?
If these thoughts sound familiar, you may be experiencing perfectionism. Perfectionism is a persistent striving for unrealistically high standards, often accompanied by harsh self-criticism. You might be wondering, isn’t striving to improve a good thing? Absolutely. Striving to be better can lead to growth, learning new skills, and pursuing our goals. But when the drive to improve is fueled by fear and self-judgment, it can become exhausting and discouraging, leaving us feeling like we're never enough.
Outcomes of Perfectionism:
Chronic burnout from pushing yourself too hard
Procrastination because the fear of imperfection feels paralyzing
A constant sense of never being “good enough”
Feeling stuck because goals seem overwhelming or unattainable
Harsh self-judgment over even small mistakes
If you are a perfectionist, you know these feelings all too well. It can feel like you're chasing a moving target and never quite reaching the sense of peace you long for.
The good news is that you don’t have to live under the weight of perfectionism. There is another way, a way rooted in self-compassion. Imagine what it would feel like to be kind to yourself, even when you stumble. Imagine feeling worthy not because of what you achieve, but simply because you exist. That shift can change everything. Self-compassion isn't about lowering your standards; it's about softening the harshness of your inner dialogue and creating space for growth, resilience, and joy! Let’s explore some ways to challenge the myth of perfection and increase self-compassion.
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset:
Perfectionism often stems from a fixed mindset—the belief that our abilities, intelligence, and worth are set in stone. In this mindset, mistakes are seen as evidence of failure and inadequacy. On the other hand, a growth mindset embraces the idea that abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Mistakes become opportunities for growth rather than proof of failure. Shifting from a fixed to a growth mindset helps reframe failures as essential parts of the learning process and encourages a more compassionate self-view.
Fixed Mindset Thoughts vs. Growth Mindset Reframes:
Fixed: "If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point in trying."Growth: "Every attempt helps me learn and get better, even if it’s not perfect."
Fixed: "I’m just not good at this, and I never will be."Growth: "I may not be good at this yet, but with practice, I can improve."
Fixed: "Mistakes mean I’m a failure."Growth: "Mistakes are part of learning and don’t define my worth."
Take a moment to reflect on one of your common fixed mindset thoughts. Challenge yourself to come up with your own growth mindset reframe.
The 70% Rule:
Perfectionists tend to believe that anything less than 100% is a failure. A helpful tool to counter this is the "70% rule," which invites us to adjust our expectations and aim for "good enough" rather than flawless. What if, instead of expecting perfection in every area of your life, you aimed to do a solid, reasonable job about 70% of the time?
What if you approached your romantic relationship with the goal of being patient, present, and understanding 70% of the time, recognizing that the other 30% will naturally involve misunderstandings and mistakes? Or imagine feeling accomplished giving your best in your workouts 70% of the time, accepting that some workouts might not be your best but consistency and effort count more than perfection.
This approach isn’t about settling for less. It’s about embracing the reality that being human means having both strong and imperfect moments.
Practical Ways to Embrace Imperfection:
Set time limits on tasks to prevent over-editing or overthinking. When the timer goes off, consider it done.
Share your work before it feels “ready.” Trust that it doesn’t need to be perfect to add value.
Wear an outfit that feels comfortable instead of obsessing over whether it looks perfect. Notice how it feels to prioritize your comfort over appearance.
Try new activities without the pressure to do them well immediately, whether it's learning a language, picking up a hobby, or experimenting with a new recipe.
Balance hard work with rest, resisting the urge to mentally rehearse your to-do list.
Still feeling overwhelmed by perfectionism? At TBH Therapy, we’re here to support you. Reach out to us today and start your journey toward healing and balance!
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